Confused…

August 13, 2007 at 7:09 pm (Foster Parenting, Solo Parenting)

Once a month – now that is much more my style.  Leaves lots of room for “midwestern do better” guilt that can paralyze you from writing because the next one should be really clever to make up for not writing.   But I have enough mental vomit to dump into cyberspace that I am not going to let a little guilt cause me to assure cleverness. 

We have had lots of happenings in the past month.  Not such a great month, truth be told.  I have battled DCFS and am now holed up, wild eyed and licking wounds…more on that later-  

We have moved.  We have a 2nd court date for terminating parental rights since it wasn’t done correctly the first time.  Little man has a new baby sister (half-sister, technically).  I haven’t spoken to my parents in over a month since they made it clear they will never accept my adopting a son and I let loose the claws.  Don’t poke the stressed out mamma bear. 

So, a question for the reader.  I think my parents are wrong, but I was an ass in my email.  Do I make the first move – is that the christian thing to do?  Or do I just leave it and when they decide it is important to be a part of our lives they can open the door.  It feels like for years I have taken their emotional abuse and turned the other cheek and just kept going back for more, continuing to make them a priority in my life even though I am not a priority in theirs.  If I don’t call -even before all this- we don’t talk.  I feel like I have wasted so much energy into this relationship and even in my 30’s I was thinking things would change.  I would finally be enough, as is – not married.  For now I have let their approval go.  So am I just being stubborn and wounded by not making the first move or am I setting boundaries?

On a completely different note…

I have read a book that is really messing me up.  The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne.  I heard him speak a few years ago, have checked out the Simple Way blog from time to time and have listened to a few online sermons by him from my virtual church but for some unknown reason – other than my skepticism and irritation of all things God related lately – I went into this book reluctantly and with a bad attitude.  The book really spoke to me, re-opened my eyes to that fact that I do kind of dig God, just not what christianity has become.  Seriously do not read this book unless you are ready to get messed up. 

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Jonathan Lipnicki

June 30, 2007 at 4:02 am (Foster Parenting, Solo Parenting)

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Have you spent your days wondering whatever happened to Jonathan Lipnicki?  You know, the “human head weighs 8 pounds” kid from Jerry Maguire.  Well, turns out the kid freakishly has not gotten older.  I found him in a sleepy little river town last friday…

So everyone keeps telling me he looks adorable with them.  And he is adorable no matter what sort of freakish apparatus is strapped to his sweet face, but I am still in mourning.  The kicker?  I have been pushing the Lion’s Club Coming to Our Senses program – which truly my own silly pain aside is an awesome service.  They are able to screen small children 6mo’s-48mo’s for vision/eye problems – with my local child care centers and of all the kids I have lined up for screening, mine comes back in need of referral and now the coke bottles.  The other thing that stabs me is, I thought once when I was looking at one of his portraits that the light refractions in his pupils were slightly off and then I blew it off as one of my “know just enough to be dangerous” made up nursing diagnosis.  Now whenever I look at a picture of his I instantly see the left light refraction is slightly medial and higher…

I need to get over it and I will – I was sort of hoping the power of the blog would take care of it…

Oh and Jonathan’s mom got a little carried away with her ebay purchased hair razor thingy – sorry buddy I will let you have hair again some day.

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Vacation a Beautiful Thing

June 28, 2007 at 6:10 pm (Solo Parenting)

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How refreshing a vacation with loved ones can be.  My little guy and I have been adopted by a fantastic family and we are so blessed by their graciousness, unconditional love and kindness.  The little man got to spend some much needed time around men, you will notice he likes to try to walk just like them, con them into taking him for a bike ride and exploring the beach at their side.  He also took part in his first “men’s breakfast” a midwestern christian ritual. 

We both enjoyed the time away from the day to day grind, the gorgeous scenery and sand between our toes.  While I can’t speak for my son, I have always wanted to be a part of a large family, thought maybe I would marry into one, not looking near on the horizon so adoption, a very good thing.  And who can resist a luau on the beach, grass skirts, coconut bras and hula hoop contests.  Not us!

 We went tent camping in Michigan, the other members of our family were a little wiser than us (we are young, we will learn) had campers or cabins.  It only rained one night, and we had so wiped out the little guy that he slept right through the thunderstorm.  I was able to keep him dry, I did not fair quite so well.  They do not make tents like they used too!  Apparently I am now 75 and talking about the good old days.  I actually felt 75 after the first night sleeping on the ground.  It occurred to me that my great childhood memories of camping on the “mossy hill trail” were more than 20 years and a hundred pounds ago…

I had a great time and it wasn’t a mirage…again the power of the blog??!

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Has anyone found the off switch?

June 13, 2007 at 1:20 am (Foster Parenting, Solo Parenting)

lightswitch.jpgBoy I could use a break from life right now.  Hospital, the apartment we live in making my boy sick, now he needs glasses on top of everything else, a visit with birthmom tonight who is asking for an overnight visit, leaving the visit each time rips his little heart out, which in turn kills another piece of me, trying to figure out how to get us out of where we are living now without having to sign a year lease somewhere else…or should I suck it up and by a house here despite the fact that I hate where I work and have never liked this town.  Can someone please tell me where the off switch is?!

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